Pain must come before change occurs, which comes in two ways:
PAIN
From the outside in
From the inside out
Induced from
yelling, embarrassing, imposing various restrictions
self (conscience)
Student feels
hurt
remorse
Student reaction
'flight or flight', can overt to yelling back at the teacher, vandalizing the building, becoming extremely passive or avoiding class
Wait until the pain goes away -or-
Make a decision to change whatever caused the pain
Student feels fault belongs to
someone else (parent, teacher, peer, etc.)
self
Result
punishment
consequence
Best way to quit hurting: make a decision to change behavior. Process:
Realize there is a problem
Identify whose problem it is: People often get suckered into working on someone else's problem, like the parents of a student with low grades or a teacher whose class act up for a sub
Show empathy: Impossible to transfer blame to someone who legitimately feels sad for you
Offer a positive relationship message: may be negative content, but helps the person at fault feel more anxious to get it solved
*Kids will respond positively to a penalty when they see a logical connection between their behavior and what happens to them as a result of that behavior.
Guidelines for administering consequences:
There will always be students who will refuse to come up with a consequence, list only those consequences that are totally inadequate, or not be able to come up with any at all. At these times, we as teachers need to make some decisions about what consequences are going to be administered.
Make the consequence as close to the time and place of the infraction as possible.
Give the child the opportunity to be involved in the solution/decision making: If student can/will not come up with a suggestion, develop a menu of items with the student.
Administer consequences with calm interest.
Give students the opportunity to develop a new plan of behavior.
Let students make their own value judgments.
Demonstrate problem-solving techniques (modeling)
Allow students to feel empowered: They need to be left with a feeling of positive self-control, rather than that power has been imposed on them by an adult.
*Empathy enhances the power of consequences--that is, a legitimate feeling of understanding for another person's circumstances.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP #11
Punishment vs. Discipline
(From page 170)
Punishment
Discipline
Purpose
Punish the child's past behavior
Shape the child's future decisions
Techniques
Isolation, time-out, withdrawal of privilege
Isolation, time-out, withdrawal of privilege
Emotions
Tension, frustration, rage, raised voices
Disappointment, love and concern
Results
Child feels angry, out of control; feels loss of self-esteem; focuses on revenge, regaining control
Child feels adult's disappointment, concern; can focus on second-chance opportunities
We punish a child for past choices; we discipline to shape future ones
PEARL:
No behavior technique will have a lasting positive result if it is not delivered with compassion, empathy, or understanding.
Principle 3: Consequences with Empathy
Pain must come before change occurs, which comes in two ways:
PAIN
Make a decision to change whatever caused the pain
*Kids will respond positively to a penalty when they see a logical connection between their behavior and what happens to them as a result of that behavior.
Guidelines for administering consequences:
There will always be students who will refuse to come up with a consequence, list only those consequences that are totally inadequate, or not be able to come up with any at all. At these times, we as teachers need to make some decisions about what consequences are going to be administered.
*Empathy enhances the power of consequences--that is, a legitimate feeling of understanding for another person's circumstances.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP #11
Punishment vs. Discipline(From page 170)
PEARL:
No behavior technique will have a lasting positive result if it is not delivered with compassion, empathy, or understanding.